Where do I start? Managing My Depression Has Never Been Easy And I’ve Always Just Kind Of Powered Through…

Finding effective ways to manage my depression, to anticipate depressive episodes is on going. But that’s part of my story and I want to share it with you.

Don’t get me wrong, there are times when working, eating, or anything… is just too hard – the times when it takes every bit of strength I have to get myself out of bed.

But I’ve never found a therapist that I feel understands me and I’ve never found medication that makes me feel ✨normal.✨

What is normal, though? 😉

I was diagnosed with depression when I was 14, but I struggled long before that…

Emigrating To England, Culture Shocks, No Friends – It’s a lot For A Child to handle

When I was 7 years old, I moved to England from Zimbabwe with my parents.

I thought it would be an adventure – new friends, experiences, snow… I didn’t see snow for a year and we moved in the middle of winter. 🙃 Massive. Let down.

But making friends wasn’t easy, even at 7 years old. Kids here were different – serious almost. Back home, I was this confident, charismatic little miss. Here? I’m an outsider – but I’ve learned to live with that now.

I Became An Introverted Extrovert

Back then, though, I felt isolated. I didn’t know how to adapt or fit in and my mental health took a huge hit. In hindsight, the undiagnosed autism was a huge factor. 

I never managed to make long-term friendships – I just thought I was too different, like I wasn’t meant to be here. 

And honestly? I gave up trying. I still don’t have many friends and while I like to think I’m introverted, I love people – I love being around people and socialising…

And I Still feel like an outsider looking in – like there’s some secret to living and enjoying life I don’t know. 

But I Found A Way To Manage My Depression…

Depression management is still something I’m learning and I think it’s something I’ll never stop learning as I overcome my triggers or they change.

I often have this voice in my head asking me: “Why are you bothering? What are you doing? Why are you even here?”

Just to be clear, I’ve never acted on those dark thoughts, but they’ve crossed my mind and they still do to this day.

…But here’s where things get a little different; totally unusual—when my depression hits hard, my need for connection goes into overdrive. I found myself seeking out physical closeness as a way to cope. 

Intimacy became one of the few things that made me feel better, even if just for a little while. 

Let Me Let You In On A Secret… Almost Anything Can Be Self-Care 😉

Looking back, I realise it was a form of self-care, even if I didn’t know it at the time.

It wasn’t just about sex, it was about feeling wanted, and needed – feeling something real when I felt numb to everything else. It was about escaping the overbearing weight in my mind.

Over time, I’ve discovered other ways to practice self-care, and honestly? -almost anything can be self-care if it makes you feel good. Painting, drawing, and all kinds of art have become just a few of my go-tos.

Creativity For Depression – Who Knew?

Remember the “trend” a few years ago where loads of therapists were recommending colouring books to manage depression and other mental health issues? They weren’t wrong and I highly recommend getting into art as a beginner’s way of… meditation, I guess. Even if it’s just doodling.

Practicing art – whether it’s drawing, painting, or even experimenting with makeup – has been a game-changer for me. It helps me clear my mind and tune out the world’s noise.

And it doesn’t have to be just painting on canvas or your face – it can be all forms of crafting, creating music, and writing…. Literally, anything that lets you express your creativity. 

I feel like that doesn’t get mentioned enough…

But What Else Can You Do For Self-Care And Depression Management?

Just about everyone will mention skin-care, or body care – from your head to your toes – as a form of self-care and there’s a reason it’s such a good practice for managing depression.

For me, sinking into a hot shower and taking my time with my skincare routine feels like a weight lifting off my shoulders.

It’s my moment to reflect in peace – whether it’s about the day’s events, nagging doubts, or concerns about work and relationships.

It allows me to rationalise my thoughts but also allows me to focus less on my fears and more on my hopes and dreams.

Not only that but seeing myself in the mirror – watching my skin very slowly improve – has given me a confidence I thought I’d lost. 

Yes, I still see imperfections but I’ve learned to love those as a part of me and my uniqueness!

This is something I want to talk about more in another post so stay with me…

But When The Quiet Gets Too Much, What Then?

Music! Shocker, I know…

But I think we can all agree that music is a game-changer! There’s a new term that I love: polyjamorous.

And I think it describes my tastes in music to a tee. I’ll listen to anything and everything as long as I like it.

With that said, I prefer to stick to upbeat tunes – no matter the genre. Lyrics don’t always matter but listening to slower, sadder songs makes things worse.

It’s safe for me to say I am heavily affected by my surroundings, be it weather, audio, the overall vibe of a room – anything can throw me off…

But these are just a few things I do to manage my depression and avoid depressive episodes…

I’m Excited To Keep Sharing, Just Bear With me – This is Pretty Scary…

Seriously, though – if you’re anything like me; you feel like an outsider for whatever reason, you’re in the right place. 🙂

I’m excited to keep sharing and I hope you’ll stick around for the ride. 

Feel free to leave a comment, be it your thoughts, questions or personal experiences – it’s all anonymous! Let me know what you do to practice self-care 🩶

Let’s be our most authentic selves – warts and all. 😊